A couple of years ago, I would have had trouble even with the first scenario - telling a friend to stop interrupting 😅
I was so focused on being a ‘pleaser’ and a nice guy, afraid how people will take what I say.
The tough part, is that it gets exponentially harder to give feedback about something the longer you don’t do it.
For example in the interrupting friend scenario - if you just say it the first time you feel it, it’ll be easier than if it happens for months, and you keep debating with yourself how to say it in the right way.
Same with your employees - if you ignore some behaviors, and then suddenly decide to give feedback about it, the first thing people will think it’s “but why did you just say so?”, which could lead to more postponing from your side.
Asking for permission is a very interesting point.
For regular questions to coworkers, the approach is typically not asking for permission but asking a question. Otherwise, we are introducing an extra roundtrip in the communication, especially if it's asynchronous.
But it makes sense to "get their yes" before you drop the feedback. Haven't read it but there are books about getting people to say "yes" to another question in negotiations
This reminds me that we can't have the same approach to all situations :)
As always, great tips, Jordan. I believe, as you mentioned, the most important thing is to establish a relationship with people before giving any feedback. Cold feedback can be worse than not giving feedback at all sometimes. Also, thanks for the mention 🙂
A couple of years ago, I would have had trouble even with the first scenario - telling a friend to stop interrupting 😅
I was so focused on being a ‘pleaser’ and a nice guy, afraid how people will take what I say.
The tough part, is that it gets exponentially harder to give feedback about something the longer you don’t do it.
For example in the interrupting friend scenario - if you just say it the first time you feel it, it’ll be easier than if it happens for months, and you keep debating with yourself how to say it in the right way.
Same with your employees - if you ignore some behaviors, and then suddenly decide to give feedback about it, the first thing people will think it’s “but why did you just say so?”, which could lead to more postponing from your side.
Great article Jordan!
Asking for permission is a very interesting point.
For regular questions to coworkers, the approach is typically not asking for permission but asking a question. Otherwise, we are introducing an extra roundtrip in the communication, especially if it's asynchronous.
But it makes sense to "get their yes" before you drop the feedback. Haven't read it but there are books about getting people to say "yes" to another question in negotiations
This reminds me that we can't have the same approach to all situations :)
As always, great tips, Jordan. I believe, as you mentioned, the most important thing is to establish a relationship with people before giving any feedback. Cold feedback can be worse than not giving feedback at all sometimes. Also, thanks for the mention 🙂
Those are great tips. I agree fully with building the relationship first since everything would come more naturally.
But It's hard for me to give feedback. I guess I'm more in the ruinous empathy quadrant, hahah.
Amazing tips, particularly building the relationship before you ever share feedback. That is important!
Good tips on steps before giving feedback. These indeed helps on starting give feedback!